Dear Society,
Hello, I don’t know how to start this… pouring your heart out to strangers is kind of nerve wracking. But I guess I’ll just tell you a bit about me. My name is Imani I am a 16 year old black, bisexual, woman… I know what you're thinking, triple homicide. On top of that I was born to my mom, a white woman who came from a stable middle class home in Tigard Oregon and my dad, a black man who grew up dirt poor in Portland Oregon. I, like my dad, was born and raised in southeast Portland, not really the best place to grow up or raise a family. My family almost always has struggled with money but my parents tried their best to make sure my brother and I never felt it. So although we were poor I would say my biggest struggle growing up has been my relationship with my dad.
Don’t get me wrong my dad loves my brother and I more than anything, but when I was 6 years old he was over 600 lbs. Yes over 600 lbs. He has been morbidly obese almost my entire life and as a kid when that is all youve ever known you dont notice, but I remember the first time I did notice. It was the day before my first day of kindergarten and my dad sat me down and asked me if I wanted him to walk me to class on my first day, he didn’t want me to be embarrassed. I told him that I didn’t care what anyone else said and the next day he walked me to class. People stared, people whispered but I kept my head high and walked to my class hand and hand with my dad with confidence. Not a single kid ever made fun of me or my dad after that. After that day my dad was inspired to lose weight and was chosen with my grandfather to be on season 11 of the Biggest Loser.
It was a life changing opportunity not only for my dad but for my family. My dad lost 100 lbs before the show and then another almost 200 lbs on the show. When my dad was on the show my entire family would come together and watch the episode as they came out. One episode stands out to me more than any other and that is the episode where they went to Dr.H. And that is the same episode that I found out that my dad had 7 years left to live. He wasn’t going to live to even see me finish middle school. That is the exact day that triggered my various inherited anxiety disorders.
Soon my dad came home from the show and my family moved to Lake Oswego. But when we moved my dad slowly began falling into a deep depression and gaining his weight back over the next 3 years. And as my dad gained weight he and my mom’s marriage began to struggle. We eventually moved to Hillsboro to be closer to my mom’s work and when I was in the 6th grade my dad was the biggest he had ever been and his health was really struggling, but because my mom worked full time to support us she couldn’t take care of him and my dad was too embarrassed to reach out for help. So, the responsibility fell on me.
Instead of going outside and playing after school I took care of my dad at age 10. I had to help him with everything from getting food to helping him go to the bathroom until my mom got home at 7:00pm, then I would make dinner and spend time with my brother because my mom was so burnt out. And then I would stay up until 12am doing homework. Because of all of my responsibilities at such a young age I became very depressed. But eventually my dad's health was too fragile and he was on the brink of death. My dad spent months in the hospital and then rehab fighting for his life. It is one thing to be depressed and it's another thing watching your father slowly kill himself in front of you. My mom was completely overwhelmed so I took care of the house and my brother and did everything in my power to make her life easier even though I felt like I was dying inside.
Fast forward a few years, many hospital stays, being cyberbullied and struggling with severe anorexia later, my parents marriage was on its deathbed and my parents announced their divorce. I was devastated. The final piece of normalcy in my life had left my grasp and there was nothing I could do about it. But even though my parents no longer loved each other we still got through it as a family. And over the last 2 years that my parents have been divorced we have all grown together as a family and people. I got the help that I needed and every day is still a struggle but I know I am going to be okay.
There are a million other devastating details of my life that I have left out because this letter would become a novel but I will say that whatever it is that you are struggling with you can get through it. Turn every tragedy into a learning experience and focus on you. I have spent my entire life taking care of others to fill the void but I never truly got better until I began taking care of myself.
Be kind to others, but don't forget to be kind to yourself.
I send you all my love and wishes for a life full of happiness,
-Imani Wornum
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